Oh man, this is so brutally hilarious.
How ‘The Desolation of Smaug’ Should Have Ended
Hilarious. The ending is the best part, if you’re a Halo fan.
I could use your help drafting some regulations for consideration…I’m working on a new piece of legislation I hope to have introduced during the next Congressional Session….which I’ve titled: “The Affordable Guitar Act” declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new Guitar by January 2015.
These “affordable” Guitars will cost an average of $1,000-$3,000 each.
This does not include taxes, strings, a case, an amplifier, lessons or repair costs.
This law needs to be passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase new Guitars.
This new laws ensures that every American can now have “affordable” Guitars of their own, because everyone is “entitled” to new Guitars. If you purchase your Guitars before the end of the year, you will receive 4 “free” guitar lessons and a pizza delivered by a drummer of your choice.
In order to make sure everyone purchases affordable Guitars, the costs of owning a Guitar will increase on average of 250-400% per year….unless of course, you know how to play the beginning of “Stairway to Heaven”, or a really cool riff like “Smoke on the Water” etc.
This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don’t want or can’t afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who can’t afford to maintain their Guitars will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents’ Guitars to play until they turn 27; then they must purchase their own Guitars.
If you already have a Guitar you like, you can keep it, period (ha…I crack myself up…just kidding; no you can’t).
If you don’t want or don’t need Guitars, you are required to buy them anyhow. If you refuse to buy a Guitar you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase at least a very very cheap acoustic
Failure to use the Guitar will also result in fines.
A government review board (that doesn’t know the difference between a hammer-on, pull-offs, a bend or two hand tapping) will decide everything, including; when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your Guitars along with how many people can plug into your P.A. system. Additionally, a determination will be made IF the lead guitarist really should be turned up louder than the singer.
The government will also decide the name for specific Guitar models: eg., the Obamacaster; Les Pelosi, Harry Reed Dumbro, etc.
In keeping with America’s tradition of fairness (because it HAS to always be fair), Government officials will, as usual, be exempt from this new law. If they want a new Guitar, they and their families can obtain Guitars for free, at the expense of taxpayers.
Finally, you can review and select your Guitar from the Department of Six Strings’ website once several millions dollars have been expended to make sure it doesn’t work.
~ John Bowes
Heh. Those are some good guitar names.
Help Barack Obama kickstart World War III. :)
Did you know he’s friends with Jay-Z?
A Kansas City radio station put together a crowd-sourced version of what they think Obama’s speech tonight will be.(Download link. This has been played 0 times.)
Quote of the Day: James Taranto: “It seems we have a president who thinks the national symbol is the bald ego.”
I’m more concerned about the 9 stripes. I think this is a veiled dis’ at Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Georgia. Clearly this limited-edition artist’s rendering is a proposal by the ghost of Obama’s anti-American father to recreate the flag.
Not one for the rabid fears about tyranny, but come on, Obama folks: this is creepy.
If it were a campaign logo, maybe. But I also find t-shirts with pictures of candidates creepy. But this is a limited edition print being sold on the campaign website. It’s not like the campaign is going all-in on this image.
This is one of the purest examples of selective outrage I have ever seen.
What I want to know is why, in the midst of the Middle East blow-up, is the Obama campaign using bacon in their logo? THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!
This is freaking hilarious.
4:00 PM - Opening Flag Burning Ceremony - sponsored by CNN
4:05 PM - Singing of “God Damn America ” led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright
4:10 PM - Pledge of Allegiance to Obama
4:15 PM - Ceremonial ‘I hate America’ led by Michelle Obama
4:30 PM - Tips on “How to keep your man trustworthy & true to you while you
travel the world” - Hillary Clinton
4:45 PM -Al Sharpton / Jesse Jackson seminar “How to have a successful
career without having a job.”
5:00 PM - “Great Vacations I’ve Taken on the Taxpayer’s Dime Travel Log”
5:30 PM - Eliot Spitzer Speaks on “Family Values” via Satellite
5:45 PM - Tribute to All 57 States - Nancy Pelosi
6:00 PM - Sen. Harry Reid - 90-minute speech expressing the Democrat’s
appreciation of the Occupy Wall Street movement, and George Soros for
sparing no expense, for all that they have accomplished to unify the
country, improve employment and to boost the economy.
8:30 PM - Airing of Grievances by the Clintons
9:00 PM - “Bias in Media - How we can make it work for you” Tutorial -
sponsored by CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, the Washington Post and the New York Times
9:15 PM - Tribute Film to Brave Freedom Fighters incarcerated at GITMO
9:45 PM - Personal Finance Seminar - Charlie Rangle
10:00 PM - Denunciation of Bitter Gun Owners and Bible readers ,
10:30 PM - Ceremonial Waving of White Flag for IRAQ , & Afghanistan
11:00 PM - Obama Energy Plan Symposium / Tire Gauge Demonstration / You too
can get rich with Green Investment bankruptcies
11:15 PM - Free Gov. Blagovich rally
11:30 PM - Obama Accepts Oscar, Tony, and Latin Grammy Awards
11:45 PM - Feeding of the Delegates with 5 Loaves and 2 Fish - Obama
12:00 AM - Official Nomination of Obama by Bill Maher and Chris “He sends a
thrill up my leg” Matthews
12:01 AM - Obama Accepts Nomination as Lord and Savior
12:05 AM - Celestial Choirs Sing
03:00 AM - Biden Delivers Acceptance Speech
This is spot on.